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Last Ever Complain-y Work Post

Don’t be the miserable fat housewife with no way out. Always look and feel your best. – The Betches (I Had a Nice Time & Other Lies)

What an insightful and timely quote. None of us (employees, wives, girlfriends, etc) should ever be so lulled into a false sense of security that we become the miserable fat housewife. The MFH defers all decision making to her husband / employer / baby daddy. The MFH hasn’t held a job or read a book since the Reagan administration. The MFH believes in fairy tales where princes will backstop your horrible financial decisions and employers will provide defined benefit pensions. This simply doesn’t happen (caveat Kate Middleton: mind you, the only female who would be saved by a prince is the one least likely to require rescue).  Given this, I try to look, feel and behave in a manner befitting of my caliber.

Occasionally, some misguided soul will underestimate what I’m capable of.  In these rare instances, I try to incorporate a jujitsu-like approach to use their momentum against them. Given my elephantine memory and prodigious grudge-harboring ability, I’ll store the insult in some hidden pocket of my cerebral cortex. While there, it can unconsciously shape my behavior and / or be trumped out during confrontations and intense psychotherapy sessions.

A prime example would be my employer’s “beatings will continue until morale improves” management strategy. Last year, I was slaving 13 hours per day in a high volume store, giving roughly 40 flu shots daily, in addition to my regular script count and medication reviews. Sometime near Christmas, I received a call from our regional manager informing me that our store failed to reach our quarterly targets. Incorporating the highly versatile “negging” management technique, she went on to say that in the ENTIRE HISTORY of my store, they had NEVER failed to reach targets until I began working there. She neglected to mention that the store was undergoing renovation, most of our support staff had left and our most experienced tech was on family leave.  On a daily basis, the pharmacy was as chaotic as Hiroshima in 1945.   Luckily for me, she continued, she’d “really gone to bat” for me and “pushed her higher ups” to secure me a bonus of ~$700. She paused, surely awaiting my eager expression of gratitude. Her enthusiasm was met with my flat, Daria-esque monotone. daria

Life Lesson: if you can start your career at 24, build up a net worth of $1.5 million in 7 years, creating passive cashflow of ~50k/year, you can do easier things like finding another job.  Don’t let toxic managers induce workplace Stockholm Syndrome.

 

 

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