Finding Purpose

It’s been just over 2 years since I stopped working and I’m amazed at how different my days look.  Instead of spending long days being micromanaged by a boss, I determine the pace and structure of my life.  I get up when I want and spend my days as I choose. I can spend entire lazy afternoons listening to an engrossing audiobook or taking up a DIY project.  I’ve tried my hand at gardening, meditating, renovations, crafting, volunteering.  I’ve seen my mom through her illness and endured a global pandemic.  I’ve fallen in love with life all over again.  Instead of trying to get through another day just to eke out a living, I wake up each morning with a zest for life. The best part?  Regaining my sense of autonomy.

After the crash in March, I didn’t panic sell.  I continued investing as I’d always done and just ignored the noise.  My investments recently turned positive for the year and are on the cusp of $1.1 million.  This means that I now have some $350k more than when I was turfed by my ex-employer two years ago.  Everyone says the first million is the hardest, so I just need to keep on keeping on.  I can’t predict what markets will do in the near future, but I’ll be happy I held the course in a decades time.

I’ve also been fortunate that my tenants have continued paying throughout the lockdown.  I purchased a new potential rental condo this past year and am still on the hunt for a vacation home.  I refuse to get caught up in the current hysteria and overpay for a dumpy place in the boonies.  Regardless, I can foresee some upcoming opportunities once mortgage deferrals and government subsidies end and reality dawns on people.

Summer Quarantine Bucket List

Make over balcony 🌱

Play tennis 🎾

Make gourmet s’mores 🍫

Take a class with my mom 👩🏻‍🏭

Learn to swim 🏊‍♀️

Cut my own hair 💇🏻‍♀️

Start biking 🚲

Read 100 books 📚

Find a cottage 🏡

Road trips 🚗

Make a hummingbird feeder 🐦

Go canoeing / boating 🛶

Make healthy popsicles 🍭

Learn to apply fake eyelashes 👁

Quarantine Time

I was not sad to see March end. The previous month had been a mishmash of global quarantines, stock market declines and layoffs across all industries.  It appears that a large portion of our population is one missed paycheque away from economic disaster.  Watching the turmoil from a safe distance, I began thinking what one can do to protect themselves from economic insecurity if their investment income declines or their work hours are reduced.

As a thought experiment, let’s consider a few ways I could personally earn an extra $1000 per month:

1. Based on a 4% safe withdrawal rate, I could invest an additional $300k in order to withdraw $12k/year.
2. Since the going rate for a relief pharmacist in the GTA is $35/hour, I could work 343 pharmacy hours (8.5 weeks based on a 40 hour workweek).
3. Given that the minimum wage in Ontario is $14/hour, I could work 857 hours at McDonald’s (over 5 months(!) at 40 hours per week).
4. I could spruce up and rent out my dated basement studio for $1000/month.

Options #4 is the clear winner.  So I set out to use my quarantine time to convert my awful basement into a semi-respectable, rentable space whilst thanking my lucky stars that I’m not working in community pharmacy right now.

To start, check out my basement before:

And now:

I actually like the basement enough that I find myself using it as a reading / crafting space and currently have no plans to rent it out 🤷🏻‍♀️ The experience, however, has given me the confidence to attempt sprucing up my awful, overly crowded bedroom.  

Spring Cleaning

Like all humans, I have a tendency to focus on the negative.  As a result, I only write when things are hard.  I’ve spent the past month encased in a cocoon of smooth sailing and haven’t wanted to be an asshole by bragging. My family is healthy, I’m surrounded by supportive, positive people and I spend my days on activities that are important to me.  As I shift into spring mode, I figured it would be a good time to evaluate life priorities and set goals for the upcoming season.

Finances: About two weeks ago, my investments achieved the much lauded “double comma” level.  It had been a goal of mine to have a million in investments for a long time.  I always figured that having that amount stashed away ensured that I wouldn’t be shackled to a job I hated.  Sadly, as soon as I hit my goal, the market began its precipitous decline.  Since then, I have not checked my investments so I have no idea what anything is worth.  Quite frankly, I don’t care.  I’m in talks to settle my severance case, one of my tenants owes me back rent and I’m hoping for a decent tax refund. Thus, any incoming money will be invested in a down market.  

Personal Growth: Once of the great things about not having a day job is the ability to learn / pursue hobbies at leisure.  Currently, I am planning a basement remodel.  I have no idea how it will turn out, but it’s important that I attempt things that are outside of my comfort zone.  In addition to my usual methods of personal development (reading / volunteering / meditation), I’m hoping try my hand at home improvement and racquet sports this spring.  Wish me luck!

Health: For me, the downside of being happy is the weight gain.  I’ve spent the past few months in an “ice hell” binge eating comfort foods. And now I find myself slightly squishy.  Luckily, I don’t hate myself this time around.  Regardless, I do need to be more active and make better food choices.  And go on more fun outdoor dates, which brings me to…

Relationships: I love the relationships I have in my life right now.  I have eliminated many phony people / work friends I don’t like / people who make me feel bad about myself.  Here’s a good way to decipher if someone is worth sticking with:  Whether I am excited to receive a text from them or if the thought of replying fills me with dread.
⬅️  To that end, I spruced up my phone case to remind myself of what’s important.  (To be honest though, as a borderline agoraphobic I really should force myself to make new friends.)

Career:  Insurance is still paying me but in their neverending quest to get me off their balance sheet, they’ve hired me a career counselor.  I am definitely open to this idea and looking forward to working with their people.  I’m finishing up my cannabis course and renewing my OCP membership this week.  The goal is to land a 6-figure job that doesn’t make me suicidal. Let’s see if this is a possibility.

Resolutions

January was all about a fresh start.  I was determined to use the first month of 2020 to lay the foundation for a prosperous & joyful future.  To this end, I set out to:

1) clear the mental clutter that has been weighing me down

2) find my happy place where I can continue to grow as a person

3) find a passion project(s) to focus my efforts, instead of working a menial job I hate

First, I had to clear my mental cobwebs by closing the chapter on my past.  Thus, I contacted my severance lawyer to recommence negotiations with my previous employer.  This may sound simple, but it’s truly one of the hardest things for me.  My ex-employer will hire a lawyer whose sole purpose is to question my character and deny paying me what I’m owed. They’ll proceed to question my integrity, professionalism and skill, imagining that once I’ve been beaten down, I’ll scramble to accept whatever measly sum is on offer.  Truthfully, this may have worked last year.  When I was dealing with my moms diagnosis and my own mental health struggles, I was unable to face the vitriol.  Luckily, I feel much stronger this time around.  I still have my moments of doubt, but I know that my previous employer would not have headhunted me and employed me for 7 years if I’d been as awful and incompetent as they’ll claim.  I just have to remember this and push through.

Next, I managed to find myself a little lovenest.  I bought a preconstruction condo in a quiet, lakeside location.  My unit will consist of all white everything. The building itself will boast spa-like amenities and will be walking distance to nature.  Water and greenery help me feel better, as does the cozy, small town feel of downtown Burlington.  I love the hipster barbershop, countless cupcake / macaron shops and obscure, hole-in-thewall coffee nooks.  I can see myself getting a fluffy little dog to parade around on daily walks then spending hours reading on my balcony.  Mind you, this is all 2-5 years away, based on the speed of construction but I’m still excited at the prospect.

Finally, the Ontario College of Pharmacists now requires that all pharmacists complete a cannabis course before renewing their license. I enrolled in said course, but struggled endlessly to do what was required. In fact, I was reminded of pharmacy school itself. Pharmacy is not, and never has been, a passion of mine.  I chose pharmacy for the respectable income, career stability and the ability to help others.  All three attributes quickly being shed as big pharmacy chains distort the profession in the quest for profits.  So then I started wondering, if I’m not doing pharmacy, what will I do? The truth is, I’ll do what I’ve been doing all along. I’ll invest in stocks and buy investment properties and establish streams of passive income.  These days, I’m eager to explore the possibility of a part-time vacation property/ part-time Airbnb.

So all in all, a successful January.  Now to shift focus to what February has in store.

Decade Challenge

At this point, I probably sound like a broken record, but this year is lightyears better than last year.  My clarity of thought, focus, my general sense of well-being. I genuinely could not ask for more.  My family is healthy, I am finally taking care of myself and my investments are growing at a healthy clip. Which, through some strange magic that I don’t pretend to understand, happened to bypass the $900k mark literally on my birthday (November 8th).  And today, a mere 6 weeks later, my investments hit $930k.  I don’t expect the markets to be so kind going forward, but I’m enjoying it while it lasts. Witnessing the speed of growth has me reflecting on what it took to get here.

In 2009, in the aftermath of the Global Financial Crisis, I graduated from university and moved to Owen Sound to embark upon my pharmacy career.  I’d had some student loans, was lugging around an extra 30lbs, and wound up living in a dingy, smoke-filled rental apartment in a sketchy part of town.  Net worth upon graduation: ~$270k (consisting of a $300k Toronto condo my parents had purchased for me, minus $30k of student loans accumulated from pharmacy school).

Fast forward 10 years, and I’ve accomplished a great deal of what I’d hoped for.  For starters, I am infinitely more confident.  In addition, all of those annoying 12 hour pharmacy shifts paid off since I find myself with a decent investment portfolios and a few rental properties.  Net worth in 2019: ~$2.45 million (or so… Consisting of $950k of liquid investments & $1.7 million in real estate, minus $190k in mortgages).

Going forward, I’m going to be less focused on investing and more intent on living a balanced life.  As a result, I probably won’t be saving at a similar clip.  Hopefully, my portfolio will do some of the heavy lifting to allow for a comfortable retirement.  

The Art of Doing Nothing

Leda wished she could do something. Make her daughter date someone nice, who was taller so she could know how great life could be.
–The Girl Who Never Read Noam Chomsky

Last year at this time, I was accompanying my mom to oncology appointments and arguing with Rexall over the meager severance package they’d offered me.  I’m immensely grateful that this year, my mom is doing well, I’m still getting paid and I can spend my days reading novels and tending to my plants.  It also appears that I’m not being sued by my former tenant after all.  I don’t want to tempt fate here, but things have been going well lately.

The changing seasons and the lush beauty of fall have me in a romantic mood.  This upcoming week I’ll be volunteering and working occasional shifts in between jags of immersing myself in classic literature.  Instead of mourning the dregs of a failed romance and living in fear of what is yet to come, I am trying to curate my ideal life.  I yearn for work and philanthropic efforts that I find meaningful.

In that vein, I feel the need to trim away the portions of my life that are no longer adding value. I can’t truly embark on a new path whilst constantly being reminded of the past.  I need a fresh start; a blank canvas onto which I can project my hopes and aspirations.  So I plan to spend this week clearing out some baggage, and thus, creating the empty space required for my future path to present itself. Wish me luck. 

What doesn’t kill you

I’m so much stronger this year than I was a year ago.  It appears that the silver lining of going through really shitty life experiences is learning how to endure really shitty life experiences.  You persevere, learn a lot about yourself, and are better equipped to navigate similar hardships in the future.

For example, the first time an ex-tenant tried to sue me was 4 years ago. Back then, I was very rattled. Receiving a demand letter from a law office, with fancy letterhead and a bunch of $10 words was enough to make me reach for my cheque book.  I assumed that I’d have no choice but to pay whatever was being asked of me, regardless of the situation.   Fast forward to a week ago, when the same situation played out again.  This time, my response was drastically different.  I’ve since learned that someone else’s need for ill gotten gain doesn’t outweigh my rights.  This individual has clearly mistaken my kindness for weakness and despite the paltry sums involved, I’m committed to advocating for myself.  Going to court, while unpleasant, is often a necessary strategy in dealing with the entitled and/or delusional.

Said litigation & the ongoing uncertainty with Rexall has encouraged me to shore up my finances, however.  On that front, I opted to make lump sum prepayments on my two outstanding mortgages, leaving a combined balance owing of $186k.  On the plus side, my monthly rental income has increased $300/month with the recent change in tenants.  Also, markets have performed better recently and thus, my investments are currently worth ~ $875k.  The goal for the next few months is to get my investments to $900k.  At that point, and based on a 4% withdrawal rate, I could reasonably expect $3000/month in investment income.  I obviously don’t expect to withdraw from investments now, but the compounding should form the basis of my actual retirement plan in some 30 years.  But most importantly, a strong financial base allows me to say no to situations that no longer fit.  The deadbeat boyfriend, toxic work environment, and crazy tenant are much easier to offload when you know that you can count on yourself.

Freedom Anniversary

Today is the anniversary of my getting shitcanned.  Last year, on a fateful Wednesday morning, I was filling prescriptions in my deathtrap pharmacy (in between panic attacks and bouts of existential angst) when my regional manager walked in with a chubby HR rep.  They took me into the office, handed me a severance package and started to take me through the minutiae of the insultingly low severance package when I reached my limit.  For that company, I’d spent the last 9 years working relief shifts in godforsaken small towns with little to no tech support. I’d been yelled at by countless moronic customers.  I’d experienced an armed robbery, and was then forced to work 50-60 hours/week in the same unsafe working conditions.  As horrifying as all of that was, it paled in comparison to sitting in a dingy office, listening to my halfwit regional drone on.  I told them I wasn’t feeling well, dropped the dismal severance offer at his feet and walked out.  They didn’t get to call the shots anymore.  For a re-enactment of me of asserting myself that day, watch this cinematic masterpiece.

As amazing as my newfound independence was, it was also scary as f*ck.  How would I support myself? Would I be forced to turn tricks in a shady Hamilton back alley? And how would I fill all of my free time? Would my forays into the outside world be limited to depressing strip mall food courts? Would I experience cognitive decline and render myself unemployable forever? Fortunately, most of these fears were misplaced.  There are far too many books to read, countries to visit, places to volunteer and plants to grow for excess time to be a factor.  In fact, I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to return to the hell of retail pharmacy.  Since regaining my independence, I’m not eager to give it up.

Money isn’t currently an issue, since I’m still entitled to insurance and severance payments.  For the time being, I take in about $4250 per month in insurance payments and $5750 in gross rental income, for a gross monthly income just over $10k.  I have no idea what I’m left with after expenses, but it’s enough.  I pay my bills and treat myself occasionally and still save a decent amount (old habits die hard 🤷🏻‍♀️).  Mind you, my savings are currently being shoveled onto the funeral pyre that is the NYSE so I may have to rethink this strategy going forward. Regardless, I’m hoping that once my severance case is settled, I’ll have enough of a nest egg to ensure that financial independence is a given.

More than anything though, I’m genuinely grateful.  I get to decide how I spend my days.  I can speak my mind without fear of reprisal.  In the past year, I’ve been able to clear out the toxicity and surround myself with tons of loving, supportive people.  I really couldn’t ask for more. 

That Time I Loved You

“Poh Poh wondered if June would be the kind of woman who only lived for love or whether she would smarten up and live for herself.” –That Time I Loved You

Last year around this time, I would have given anything to reclaim the things I’d “lost”… the horrible job with the toxic work environment, the relationship with an inconsiderate manchild.  I thought I’d lucked into that job and that relationship and finally the jig was up.  I had no idea of my own worth.

I read a book written by a psychologist some time ago. He discussed the idea that everything in life requires a trade-off since nothing exists in a vacuum. By accepting the horrible job, we give up on our true passions.  By accepting the sociopathic manchild, we forego seeking true love.  For the first time, I started thinking that perhaps, the job & relationship loss weren’t happening to me but rather, were happening for me.  I deserved more.

My mom had her 6 month follow up appointment yesterday.  The oncologist said she was fine and would only require annual check ups going forward.  I’m so grateful to her doctors and the Canadian healthcare system and the universe for providing a happy ending to that phase of our lives.

That same day, I received a random message from said manchild.  It stirred up emotions that I hadn’t wanted to acknowledge. The thought of him carrying on with me while seeing someone new was despicable.  And now? He wanted what? For me to respond as though nothing had happened? The good girl in me hates having unread & unanswered texts so I was in a quagmire.

Fortunately, Apple held the answer.  I opened my messages, clicked Edit —> Select Conversation —> Delete. And voila, problem solved.  I think I’ll buy myself some more AAPL shares today 🤗